


Bone Apple Tea

by Herbgerblin (TheEverlastingRandom)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Cook cook fall in love!, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Gen, M/M, Taako and Kravitz have rival cooking youtube channels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 08:24:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20775509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEverlastingRandom/pseuds/Herbgerblin
Summary: Fic inspired by tumblr user asimovsideburns's original idea:modern taakitz au where they’re dueling youtube cooking channels with a fierce rivalry who finally meet up for a head to head competition and fall in love. Kravitz’s channel is goth-themed and it’s called “bone appetit” which is the entire reason I came up with this concept. Taako’s channel can be called “bon apple tea” and they both claim the other stole their joke idea and that’s why the rivalry started





	Bone Apple Tea

“But they’re stealing my thunder, Lup!”

“No one’s stealing your thunder, Ko.” Lup says, plopping down beside her brother. Her brother, who currently has a laptop on his lap, scrolling angrily through the feed of a particular youtube channel. She pokes his arm. “I say shit like ‘scone app the beef’ all the time. The only difference is, I didn’t try to trademark it.”

“But like, who even?” Taako asks. “Who does this person think they are?”

The thumbnails are all typical youtube fodder, a shot of fancy food against a decorative background. The standout difference being that every dish is in someway gothic or spooky inspired. The whole channel looks like a promo for a Halloween season special. The banner heading features a plate of ghost and skeleton cookies set against a black background and a title written in swirling red letters: Bone Appetit.

“It’s charming,” Lup says.

“Fuck that, I’m charming,” Taako insists, jumping to an already opened tab with a different channel on it.

This one is also a bit of a standout, with thumbnails showing off foods both exquisite and eccentric. Each title is in some way or another a food pun. The banner is a photo of cake made to look like a tea cup with an apple slice on the side. Beside it, in sparkling purple letters reads: Bon Apple Tea.

Taako leaves that tab and hopes back over to the other channel. He starts scrolling through the thumbnails again.

“What are you even trying to do?” Lup asks, getting back up.

“I’m looking for when this channel got started,” Taako says. “If it’s newer than mine then I have evidence that they took my fuckin’ idea.”

“How did you even find out about it?” Lup asks. She grabs the tv remote. “Seems a little out of our niche, despite the name. Have you tried even watching one of their videos? The aesthetic is obviously different from yours. I highly doubt this person even has a clue who you are.”

“Folks in the comments mentioned that there was a channel who had a title like mine,” Taako says. “I had to check it out.”

Lup groans. “And _why_ were you reading the comments?”

“Because I’m a glutton for punishment, Lup. Fuck off.”

After a moment of wrestling with the idea, Taako clicks on a random video. He is immediately greeted by a shot of a man standing behind the countertop of what looks to be a neatly kept—if not effectively dark and spooky—apartment kitchen. On the counter beside him is an assortment of already measured out ingredients. 

But Taako’s not focused on any of those things. Taako’s focused on this man, who head is consciously shot to be out of frame of the camera. He has very smooth, dark skin, and a clean, well-fitted button up over what Taako deems to be the sexiest fucking torso he’s ever laid his eyes on. As he watches the video, he can only imagine what the guy’s face looks like.

“Lup, I’m gonna go research food ideas,” Taako says, getting up from the couch, taking the laptop with him. “Can’t let this new boy catch me slipping.“

“So it’s a boy?” Lup asks, watching him get up so quickly. Her sharp gaze and her tone of voice are just playful enough to put Taako on the defensive. He walks faster toward his bedroom. “A hot boy?” she calls.

“Research!” Taako yells back.

* * *

Taako learns three things after binging most of Bone Appetit’s channel:

  1. It’s a one man show, with the host using a standard camera and tripod to shoot everything. Nothing fancy. It has a well edited, homey vibe. It seems like more of a hobby than a career endeavor.

  2. It’s pretty much a baking channel. the host has an obvious sweet tooth with the amount of sugar he adds to things. He at least has the wherewithal to advise healthy alternatives. There’s a few confection videos, but that’s about it.

  3. The guy uses a really, really terrible accent. Taako can’t even place it half the time, because it changes with almost every video. But the guy’s voice is still nice to listen to. It’s funny. The host is hilarious and seems very passionate about baking. 

It’s a shame he won’t show his _fucking face!_ Taako spent hours scoring the channel to find something, anything. A Q&A even. Folks in the comments are also begging for a face reveal, but no dice. There’s no website aside from the channel. And no contact info to be found. This man is mysterious as fuck.

* * *

"But he used nutmeg instead of cinnamon on those scones, Lup. Who the fuck does that?” Taako complains. He leans against his kitchen counter, after having shot what feels like a century-long video. “I’ll give creativity points on the spiderweb glaze—but where’s the technique, Lulu? The sense of refinery?” Lup stops checking footage on the camera to flip momentarily through her phone.

“Well you can’t be mad forever, Taako. Because he follows you.”

Taako pauses in his rant. “He what?”

Lup walks over, phone in hand and—yep—clear as day. The channel Bone Appetit is subscribed to Bon Apple Tea. Apparently for a while, with how much she had to scroll to find it.

“Well,” Taako says, with the tiniest bit of conceit. “Game recognize game.”

“So he’s got game now?” Lup asks, smirking. Taako shoves her. Their channel’s song and dance is to do videos with Taako’s face in full view. With Lup appearing in front of the camera periodically to shake her head at his bad puns. With both of them ribbing each other on Taako’s food presentation. It’s a very fun business model. But one that could definitely benefit from some added attention.

“If he’s a subscriber….” Taako says, an idea forming. He straightens up. “Lup, turn the camera back on.”

Lup looks confused. “What are you gonna do?”

“Game recognizes game, Lup,” Taako says. He pulls up his hair and rolls his sleeves. He looks straight at the camera and cracks his hands. “So let the games begin…”

* * *

The next three weeks are…interesting. Bone Appetit posts a video about charcoal macarons. Bon Apple Tea posts a video about elderflower macarons. Bone appetite posts about black licorice cupcakes. Bon Apple Tea posts about red velvet cupcakes. 

The comments sections for both channels suddenly fall into a tizzy. They speculate whether the two channels know each other. If this is a coordinated plan. If the content creators will ever do a collab. The buzzing draws more followers to both channels, which only spurns their efforts on.

Bon Apple Tea does a quick mini series covering charcuterie platters. Bone Appetit strikes back with fruit baskets. The videos start lasting longer. There are more quips hinting that this is, in fact, a rivalry going on. Gentle proddings at what the opposing channel might do next.

Taako can’t help but be a little bit thrilled that Bone Appetit is willing to take up a challenge. He still has not had a good look at this guy, and he refuses to give him the satisfaction of subscribing. But he keeps an eye on the channel for new videos. And it takes the willpower of the god’s to not leave a like when he’s done watching.

* * *

Lup cuts Taako off with her arm before he can enter the kitchen.

“Taako we’re going to go over budget if we keep this up,” Lup says. “We’re already off the schedule we set for this month.”

“We made a ton of _new followers though_,” Taako points out. “Doesn’t that offset the cost?”

“Taako, I had to keep Barry from dying after he munched on that brie and prosciutto platter the other day. We have to reign it in.”

Taako leans against the refrigerator and pouts. He was hoping to grill something fancy today. He was hoping Bone Appetit guy would grill something too. Maybe roll up his sleeves and show off his biceps a little. Taako still hasn’t talked to the guy directly. But he feels like he would do it. For the rivalry anyway.

* * *

The comments start flooding with one single question: _Will you be competing in the Annual Neverwinter Winter Bakeoff coming up?_ Bone Appetit posts a video right away, answering yes. They’ve never been in competition before and they are excited. Bon Apple Tea…is hesitant on the matter. No response is yet given.

It’s so easy to talk about food and teach cooking when you can be distantly behind camera and not physically serving it to others. It’s another thing to have to watch people take what you’ve given them, and see them fall to the ground because of it. It’s another thing to watch them not get back up.

“I mean, we did get that whole Sazed situation cleared up years ago,” Lup says, giving her brother a pat. “But you don’t have to participate if you don’t feel comfortable.”

Taako paces the floor of the kitchen. Hair up in a bun, sleeves rolled, apron on. A lot can happen after a few years. A lot of cooking. A lot of baking. A lot of potential for something new.

“Cha’boy’s a little bit rusty,” Taako says finally, turning to her. He smiles a little. “But that doesn’t mean he can’t still put on a good show.”

* * *

It’s the venue of the Neverwinter Winter Bake Off. There’s a good sixteen workstations. All decorated to reflect their respective brands. Taako was just in the middle of straightening a Neon ‘Bon Apple Tea’ sign, when he hears:

“Taako? Is that you?”

Taako spins around at the sound of a familiar (but not too familiar) voice. A man dressed in an all black chef’s uniform—a bit atypical, but not a bad look—is standing near the wooden island of Taako’s station. The torso and arms are painfully familiar too, but the face attached to it is—

Wow. That’s…something.

Taako steps forward and takes a good look at him. There’s dark skin, a beautiful jawline, warm, bright eyes, and long dreads pulled up into a neat bun. The man extends a hand and says, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

Taako is momentarily snapped out of his (not obvious) staring because—“Is that your real fucking voice!?” he asks, fighting down a quick laugh.

The man looks surprised, and then sheepish. “You noticed the accents, huh?” he asks. Taako cackles, unable to help himself. He smiles, and then can’t stop himself from smiling.

“How could you not, My dude? Is that incidental or part of your whole shtick?”

“Um, yes to the former, and then over time, yes to the latter.”

Taako scoffs, then reaches out to shake the guy’s hand. “Well, go with what works, I guess. What’s your name, thug?” 

“Kravitz,” he replies. “I’m…not very big on the whole, youtube personality thing.” He adds. “I knew you were Taako because you always say your name in your videos. You work with your sister.”

“Yeah,” Taako says. “Too bad this competition is a one person gig, or we’d kick your ass.”

“I think you can handle my ass just fine on your own,” Kravitz says. Then he leans back reproachfully, letting go of Taako’s hand. “Wait, that did not—”

Taako winks and leans against a table. “I got your memo, Bones. If you make it to top 3, we’ll talk later.”

Kravitz nods politely and turns to leave. Taako puts up a hand to pause him.

“Oh, word from one competitor to another: Cut back on the sugar, babe. You’re gonna get cavities with that sweet tooth of yours.”

Kravitz smiles wide and shows off a row of perfect, straight teeth. He then walks off to his own work station.

As soon as he’s out of sight, Taako throws his hands into a bowl of ice cold water. This is a competition, with cameras, and judges, and people coming around to watch. This was definitely not what he signed up for, but definitely is what he’s here for.

* * *

Taako wins first, obviously. Kravitz wins third, perfectly happy and extremely excited to have placed at all. Lup wins second, after having covertly applied on her own, last minute—much to Taako’s chagrin. She wins best decorated workstation as well, having covered everything in plexiglass flames that light up different colors. Her station sign reads _‘Girl Fieri.’_

Taako, true to his word, meets up with Kravitz later on, and they “talk.”

* * *

A few months go by, and a new channel pops up. Its banner depicts an assortment of donuts, alternating between bright and whimsical, and dark and understated. The first video is titled, “You better believe it.” It starts with Taako, leaning forward on the counter top, smiling directly into the camera. There’s someone standing in the background a little out of focus.

Lup’s voice is heard first. “Ko, tell your boy to stop being camera shy!” Taako looks back and grabs the person’s hand.

“Babe, you wanna deny your fans _all this?_ You’re half our marketing pool,” He gives them a kiss and they laugh.

“You’re right, love,” they say, and move closer towards the counter. Taako and Kravitz come into full view, wearing matching aprons. They look at one another expectantly, then confusingly.

“Oh, did you want me to say it or you?” Kravitz asks.

“I thought you were gonna say it,” Taako said. “But I guess I can. Uh—”

“Scone app the beef!” Lup yells, jumping in front of both of them, in front of the camera. She attempts to land on the counter, but nearly falls off. They burst into laughter—everyone does.

The channel banner reads: _Bone Apple Tea. _

* * *

**Epilogue (?)**

**—**

Second episode of Bone Apple Tea:

_*Lup stands a bit to the left of the frame, with Taako and Kravtiz setting up the counter in the background. She holds her hands to the side like a pretend clapper board.*_

**Barry, off camera: **Aaaaaannnnd Action!

**Lup, to the camera:** Cook, Cook, Fall in Love! _*she claps her hands together and side steps out of frame* _

**Taako:** Thank you for that, Lup—

**Lup, off camera: **Yer welcome.

**Taako, at Kravitz:**—Today on Bone Apple Tea, me and my, *_he gestures at Kravitz*_ _beautiful_ assistant—

**Kravitz:** Sous chef. 

**Taako:**

**Taako:** Chef de Partie.

** Kravtiz:** _*cracks up*_ Fuck you.

**Taako, back at the camera:** We will be preparing for you, today, a classic sweet and classic snack—_us_—but also_, there’s gonna PB and J Baked Alaska!_

**Kravtiz:** Noooooooo, we’re not.

**Taako:** Yes. We are.

**Kravitz:** Babe, you’re allergic.

**Taako: **That’s not gonna stop me.

**Lup, off camera:** That’s not gonna stop him.

**Taako:** Barold can’t eat _dairy_, but he ate that ice cream me and Lup whipped up a few weeks back. Took it like a champ! Right, Barold?

**Barry, off camera: **Don’t drag me into this.

**Taako:** Anyway, Baked Alaska! _*He leans down under the countertop and pulls out a family sized jar of creamy peanut butter. As he drops it on the counter with a heavy thud, the camera zooms in on Kravtiz’s increasingly distressed face.*_ So, what you wanna do is—


End file.
